


Innocent

by CelticGames4



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst as well, Fluff, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, yamaguchi is a cinnamon roll that is too good for this world
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-09
Updated: 2015-12-09
Packaged: 2018-05-05 18:24:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5385866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelticGames4/pseuds/CelticGames4
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yamaguchi told that teddy bear everything.<br/>From his first time being bullied to the team's loss against Seijou, the bear was the first to know.<br/>Follow Yamaguchi through some snapshots of his life trying to find himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Innocent

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there!  
> This is my first Haikyuu!! fanfiction as well as my first time writing with canon characters in a long time.  
> Also, my first attempt at AO3.  
> I'm fairly new to the fandom so I hope that nobody's too OOC...  
> Anyways, I hope you like it, enjoy!!  
> ((I'm trash oh no))  
> ~Celtic

He told that teddy bear everything.  
Kuma-chan (yeah yeah, how original, he named the bear when he was 4, what were you expecting?!) was Yamaguchi’s best friend for years and years. He was the first to know all of Yamaguchi’s secrets, and all his emotions and feelings. Since Yamaguchi didn’t have many friends growing up, he didn’t have anyone to tell these things to.  
Kuma-chan rode in Yamaguchi’s backpack wherever he went when he was young, and even as he got older, Kuma-chan never moved from his sacred place on Yamaguchi’s bed.  
When he was young, his parents tried to get him a small journal to write these things in, but he wasn’t very good at keeping up with it. So, Yamaguchi went back to telling the teddy bear all his secrets and feelings.  
.  
When he was bullied for the first time, the bear was the first to know. After having a crying fit the whole walk home, he was able to make it up to his room and shut the door before the tears began again. He recounted the whole scene to Kuma-chan, who sat and listened, his fat, fuzzy arms as open for hugs as they had always been.  
Yamaguchi hugged the bear close as the tears slid down his cheeks. “Th-They laughed at my blotches…” A finger went to the freckles that spread across his cheeks and chest and shoulders, sighing disdainfully and hugging the fat little teddy bear tighter. “I don’t like my blotches,” he says. “They’re weird.”  
The teddy bear didn’t say anything, but he was warm and fuzzy and soft and familiar and friendly.  
“I don’t want to have blotches, but I do.” It was just a fact. “They said I was a loser because I don’t have any friends. They called me a little crybaby…”  
Another small sob escaped the little boy. “They said I couldn’t go be a tattletale on them.” He wiped his eyes only for more tears to appear. “I didn’t want to be a dirty tattletale so I just said I fell in the schoolyard.” He didn’t like to lie, but he didn’t want to be a tattletale, either.  
“Why are people mean?” the boy asked, stroking the fuzzy bear. “I wasn’t mean to them. I just wanted to be their friend.” He brought the bear up to his face, to dry his tears and hide his blotches, and sat there, not saying anything, but letting out his tears. Sometimes, it’s better to just let out all the tears and get them out of your system. It definitely helped for him.  
He eventually dozed off, bear in his arms, silently wishing he had a friend.  
.  
When he was helped by a huge boy in his Year, the bear was the first to know.  
Yamaguchi was still teary-eyed, but not nearly as bad as most of the times he came home from school. Partly because he was used to the sheer hurtfulness of the people that surrounded him, and partly because someone had stood up for him.  
He didn’t know the boy who stood up for him, but he wanted to know him.  
Yamaguchi sits on his bed, a notebook with homework lying on the foot of it but being ignored in that moment. Yamaguchi stroked the bear, and quietly recounted the events of the day to him.  
“They were horrid,” he whispered quietly, feeling a lump in his throat and trying to get the tears to subside.  
“He was tall and he had blonde hair and he wore glasses. He was so tall!! I can’t believe he stood up for me, really. Me and my weird blotches.” He stroked the fuzzy bear and actually smiled a bit. “Maybe he’ll be a real friend. Not that I don’t appreciate you, Kuma-chan, but he’d be a real friend…” He patted the bear’s fuzzy brown head, still afraid of hurting its feelings.  
“I have to do my homework now, but you can sit with me while I do it,” he said, propping the bear up against the wall and laying on his stomach, getting to work.  
.  
When he was invited to go to a volleyball game with Kei Tsukishima, the bear was the first to hear.  
“This is my chance for a real, breathing friend!” he said, laying on his back and tossing the bear up and catching him again. He knew that Kuma-chan enjoyed that, even the many times when Yamaguchi accidentally threw him crooked and he hit the floor by mistake. “I just want a friend, that’s all! Not that you’re not one, but you know what I mean.” Kuma-chan understood, Yamaguchi just knew it.  
“I just hope I don’t mess up,” he said. “After all, he’s so cool, and I’m just a dork with blotches, right?” He laughed bitterly. “I’m determined to make him like me, though. I need this. My first real chance for a friend,” he said.  
“Tadashi!” called his mother, “Come down for dinner!”  
The boy grinned at the bear. “Wait here. Hopefully Mom lets me go to the match!! I want to see Karasuno and be friends with Tsukishima!”  
He sat the bear up before closing a book and bounding to the kitchen hungrily, ready for a hearty supper.  
.  
When he realized he was in love with Tsukishima, the bear was the first to hear.  
It was under the covers, in a hushed voice, with tears lacing the 14-year-old’s voice, hugging the bear close to his face to dry his tears. It was warm and stuffy, and Yamaguchi didn’t particularly care for the suffocating feeling of hiding under the covers, but there was no way he was going to even think about this when he might possibly be seen by his parents.  
“Isn’t this supposed to be happy, to be in love?” asked the boy, his voice shaking, squeezing his eyes shut and holding the bear tight against him. “I found someone who I really like… Shouldn’t I be excited? Yeah, I’m excited, but I feel slightly more nauseous, I think.” He curled up in a tight ball, hugging the bear, nothing more than a lump under the covers.  
“I guess it’s because it happened like this…” he decides. It was just one look that Tsukki gave him when they were walking home from school together that made him immediately know that he was in the hole. “One, it’s not normal and everyone is going to bully me even more now…” The thought made his throat tighten. How much longer could he stand being beaten to the ground and pulled up by Tsukishima? “Two… Even if it were any kind of normal thing… He’s way too cool for me anyways. It’s amazing that we’re even still friends, really… After all, I’m just that weird kid with the blotches.” He smiled painfully, even though the thought hurt like a spear to the chest.  
“I couldn’t tell him, though…” sniffled Yamaguchi, “I need to have him there for me, he’s the only friend I have right now. If he were against me, I don’t think I could take it.” He continued to cry quietly until he felt ready to go to bed, shutting off the lights but tossing and turning more than sleeping.  
.  
When he was ready to give up on everything and let it all go, the bear was the first to know.  
“It feels so fucking pointless,” he said, through clenched teeth. “Why am I even still here? Mom and Dad are out, it’d be so easy. Probably because I’m not brave enough, right? That seems to always be the answer for the weird kid with the blotches all over his body.” He smiled, but it wasn’t out of happiness, in fact, it was out of spite and hatred.  
“So why not, huh? Tsukki? You think he’s going to care?! Sometimes I don’t even think he actually likes me that much, which is funny because I’ve given my whole life to him by now! He’s too cool for me and everyone knows it! Literally everyone!” He clenches his teeth, laughing a bit out of sheer misery. “What’s even the point of anything anymore? I’m never going to be brave enough to tell Tsukki how I feel, and even if I did he’d just slug me, probably. Maybe not, maybe he’d be better than that, but still.” He looked in his mirror, trying to control his thoughts and the tears that only magnify his blotches and make his eyes red and puffy.  
Damnit, he hated being a crybaby. Damnit, he hated still talking to a teddy bear even though he was 15 years old.  
He sat back down on his bed, burying his face in the bear’s soft back, the tears becoming silent and choking. His phone vibrates just then and he picks it up from the counter.  
It’s Tsukki. Yamaguchi, listen to this when you get the chance. Attached to the message was a sound file of a song.  
Yamaguchi presses play, barely listening to the song’s lyrics, but listening to the melody and thinking that Tsukki wanted to share this with him.  
Damnit. I guess there’s a reason I want to stay after all.  
.  
When Yamaguchi came home from Karasuno’s loss against Seijou, the bear was the first to know.  
“We worked so hard,” he said, clutching the bear tightly with both hands. “We fought so hard! Hinata and Kageyama, and Azumane and Daichi… Tsukki… They worked and fought so hard and this is how it turned out!!” He can’t stop reliving his serve, the one time he got to step on the court and feel what a primary player feels, and experience the rush of being out there in competition, just to have his serve not even make it over the net…  
He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, tears appearing there as much as he wouldn’t want them to. He wished he would just stop reliving it, but so many what-ifs run around in his head.  
I didn’t deserve to be out on that court… He clenched his teeth. I had one shot and I blew it.  
He was close with his team, he finally found a place where he belonged, where he felt accepted and loved, and he blew his only chance to help them. This was his first chance to prove his worth, to prove to everyone that he was more than the freak with blotches on his face, and he’d failed. They had all worked so hard, they had wanted it so much… It was hard to see them all so defeated, it was hard to feel so defeated.  
He hated feeling so lost and defeated, but he curled up with the bear and listened to some of the songs Tsukki had sent him and told him to listen to until he eventually dozed off to sleep.  
.  
When Tsukki agreed to go on a double date with him and Hinata and Kageyama, the bear was the first to know.  
“What should I wear?” Yamaguchi stood in front of his closet, wearing only his tighty-whities and some socks, staring at the clothes in his closet. He wanted to look nice, but not too formal or posh. He decided on a polo and cargo shorts, wondering what the others might wear.  
Hinata sent him a Snapchat with way too many winky Emojis showing off what he was going to wear, and Yamaguchi decided that he looked fine.  
He tried to tame his hair but soon gave up, and lingered by the mirror for one more second, looking at those blotches that scattered his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. He hated them still, but decided they weren’t too horrible-looking.  
“Well, here we are, Kuma-chan,” he said, looking at the fuzzy brown bear. He laughed a little bit. “I’m glad you were here to keep me grounded for so long. I’m really nervous… I hope this goes well.” The black eyes of the teddy bear seemed reassuring, and Yamaguchi smiled.  
“I’ll tell you all about it when I get back.” He sets the teddy bear on the bed and goes out the door to meet the others.  
.  
The first time Tsukishima kissed Yamaguchi, the bear was the first to know. Hinata was the second to know, but only because he would not stop asking about it!  
Yamaguchi was sprawled out on his bed, still pining for the feeling of Tsukki lingering on his lips, the taste of him in his mouth. “I still can’t believe it happened,” he was saying, with a small giggle. “After all, Tsukki was always too cool for me, now wasn’t he?” He didn’t even care about a single other thing but the events of that afternoon. He lingered on it long into the evening.  
The texting conversation he was having with Tsukki was just as friendly normal as always. He really wasn’t one for being mushy. It was just like they hadn’t kissed, except for the fact that Yamaguchi was still blushing and giggling about it.  
“I wonder if Tsukki’s still thinking about it, too,” Yamaguchi said to the bear, giggling a little bit at the memory of how awkward he seemed at first. “From how he’s texting, it doesn’t seem like it, but it’s gotta be lingering in his memory somewhere. I hope he liked it. I’m not really that experienced at that thing but he said I was doing okay.”  
Yamaguchi’s phone buzzed. It was Tsukki. Listen to this song. It makes me think of you.  
Yamaguchi giggled like a little girl into the bear’s back, not even caring what he sounded like. “Guess Tsukki hasn’t stopped thinking about it after all.”  
.  
The first time he told Tsukki he loved him, the bear was the first to know.  
The freckled boy was sprawled out on his bed on his back, beaming into the bear’s dark eyes. “It was absolutely terrifying and I almost threw up but I did it. And guess what? He said it back.” He felt so happy, so light, like he was flying, like he could say goodbye to all his worries and cares. He had felt happy before, but never this happy.  
He could barely put his happiness into words. It was alright, though, because Kuma-chan understood how he felt without him even having to say it.  
As soon as he told the bear the story of how they were just lying under the moon together, enjoying each other, listening to some music that Tsukki kept saying made him think of them (some of which were so sappy but Yamaguchi enjoyed every second of them anyways), and it had happened. It felt so right, so natural, so easy. It really had just… Well, come out. Without even thinking about it. And Tsukki had returned it so obviously he was doing something right.  
“I laughed and I told him, ‘When I was just a kid, I never thought I’d end up here, you know. The dorky kid with the blotches on his skin, and all-‘ and he looked at me and said, ‘You’re pretty cool, though-‘ which is a hell of a compliment with Tsukki saying it out loud to my face and all- and then he paused and said, ‘I like your freckles, though. They’re like… Like the stars up there.’ Then he paused and looked at me, going into a Tsukki half-smile and saying, ‘I know how fucking disgusting that was, you don’t have to rub it in, Yama.’ But by then I was so flustered I just clutched him tighter, probably not believing that a beautiful guy like him would say something like that about me… We lay in silence after that, and then I just said it. And he paused, definitely surprise and maybe a little bit thrown off, before he laughed and said, ‘Yeah, I love you too.’ I can still hear it. I’ll be hearing it in the best dreams for the rest of my life…”  
All of this was later texted to Hinata in capital letters and lots of emojis, but for that moment Yamaguchi just hugged the teddy bear and let his mind wander to everything he’d told it in the past.  
Even when Yamaguchi thought that the smile he was wearing couldn’t get any bigger, it somehow manages to. “Stars…” he says to himself quietly, hearing it in Tsukki’s voice and giggling a bit into the bear’s fuzzy back. “My freckles are like stars.”  
.  
Yamaguchi’s room was dark when the door was thrown open and soon slammed shut. Tsukishima was already starting to undo his pants with one hand, supporting his boyfriend with the other arm, whose legs were wrapped tightly around his waist and arms around his neck.  
Yeah, yeah, call it impatient, but sometimes it was just too damn hard for them to wait for this. After all, the house is empty, it’s been a long week at university, and this is the first quality time they’ve had together in quite a while.  
As impatient as Tsukishima was, he still set Yamaguchi down on his bed gently before hungrily kissing his lips, trailing to his jawline and down to his neck. The more Yamaguchi hissed and whined and panted, the faster he went.  
Yamaguchi’s fingers went to help him pull down his pants the rest of the way when he noticed something and stopped.  
“One sec,” he said.  
“Are you alright?”  
“Great. Just…” Yamaguchi got out of bed and picked up the small brown teddy bear from his dresser, where it was sitting having just been unpacked with the other stuff he brought home from university for break. “Don’t want this little guy to be scarred.” He put the bear in his underwear drawer gently, and closed it. “Now he’ll be okay.”  
Tsukishima just looked at him, feeling more impatient but also affectionate at the same time. “Did you intentionally put it away every time we had sex so far?”  
“Of course.” He got back into bed, smiling up at his boyfriend with sweet, soft eyes.  
“You’re so…” He couldn’t put the right word to it. “Innocent.”  
Yamaguchi smiled slyly. “Innocent, huh? Kiss me again and we’ll see who’s innocent.”  
Tsukishima gladly obliged.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd love to know what you think of this!!  
> Thanks so much for reading!!


End file.
